There’s something wrong about a magazine having its Table of Contents on page 38 and what’s more, it not being a complete table but rather one that just lists the feature stories.  If you want a listing of the columns — and yes, it was a column I was looking for in Vanity Fair — you have to flip to page 64.

I mean, I get it.  The whole idea is for me to flip through 37 pages of advertisements in search of Table of Contents, Part I, and then flip through more pictures of blue-eyed women and guys looking like I never have nor never will look like to get to Table of Contents, Part II.

But here’s the thing.   I’m not going to shop at Hugo Boss or Ralph Lauren or Bloomingdale’s just because I flipped, annoyed, past their advertisements.  I won’t start using Clinique spot remover or wearing Guess apparel, not even that fishnet-and-garters thingie on page 22.

I was wondering if Vanity Fair might not do those of us without a shopping gene in our bodies a favor by granting us a special edition that has the Table of Contents right on pages one and two.

Then I took a closer look at the cover and saw that Vanity Fair is already providing a special edition that goes even one better.  If you look really closely (and squint a bit if you’ve got eyes like mine), you can see the page number in very fine print of every article showcased on the cover.

So to Vanity Fair, I salute you and say in the immortal words of Emily Litella, “Never mind.”